Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
