Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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