Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
