She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
