I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
