I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Two words: blizzard sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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