my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
