im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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