I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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