Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
