do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
