You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
