She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
