I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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