Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
