Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
