i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
