guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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