doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
