well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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