I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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