this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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