My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
