i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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