What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
