i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
