remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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