My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
