Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Shame is for Republicans.
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