Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
