Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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