Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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