Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
