I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
