I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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