I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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