I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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