found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize