Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
