he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
