i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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