you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
