Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize