***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
