I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
