my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
