I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
