he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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