I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
