don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
