Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
