he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
