dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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