Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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