Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
