i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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