if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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