I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
