WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
