Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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