They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my shit smells like andre
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
