sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
