Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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