the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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