He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize