i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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