I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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