If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize